Josh,
You have been on my mind so much lately. I miss you so much. You are so kind and loving. I was pregnant for the second time (yeah second) all alone with no where to turn and I can remeber you hugging me and telling me it would all be alright. You said I did not have to worry because you and Jess were here for me anytime I needed. You even tried to hook me up with one of your partners. (ha!) You were so good to my sister, me, Karlie (my gosh Josh she loves you so much and misses you so much), mom and dad. I remember thinking everthing would be okay because I had you too. You were right things are okay. Dwaine (hailey's father) and I got together and are now married. You were going to be Hailey's godfather. Man, listen to me "WERE" , you "ARE" Hailey's godfather. Josh there are some many times during the day, during the afternoon and at night that I replay those last few days in my head. I remeber you and Jess coming over a few days before and y'all were talking about your wedding day. You both had a day in mind, but Dwaine wouldn't have been home on that day. We checked his schedule and I (of course) suggested April 23 or the weekend before and y'all chose the 23rd. Was God trying to tell us something. Two days before you left our lives, you came to our house. You played with Karlie and y'all laughed so much, she even got mad at you for picking at her. I remember Jess had picked up some drinks for me at CVS and as y'all were leaving you were telling us about your trip with David the next night. I will never forget that moment as you unloaded the drinks for me and set them on the steps I remember saying "Josh you better be careful and don't get drunk you have a baptism to go to the next day", love y'all and becareful will talk with y'all tomorrow. The next night we fried fish at our house. We invited mom and dad, and you and Jess, (of course, you were on your trip), We ate, and talked about the Baptism and then everyone left. Jess wanted to take Hailey back with her to mom's (Karlie was at her dad's), so I told her okay. Me and Dwaine would like to have some quite time (you know with the new baby here and all). I will never forget the phone ringing that night and the look on my dad's face and his yelling and screaming from the top of his lungs when I got to mom's. I know you are in heaven now looking out for us all and you are happy, but I just wish you could give ME some kind of sign that you are okay. I want to put those last few days behind me and right now I can not. I know you have touched so many other lives more than mine, but we had that brother-in-law, sister-in-law bond and you meant so much to me and to all my family. My gosh, you were even there when I went in to labor!! You freaked out and got upset cause I was screaming so much (ha) and walked our for a while, but YOU WERE THERE. You always new what to do and say. Karlie....Hum... that's a different subject now. Josh, Karlie misses you so much. There are mornings that I wake her up to find her clinching the picture of you and her in her hand. She is having a hard time dealing with this. Karlie is having a hard time with a lot right now. Please look over her and help guide her in the right direction. Though, you may not have been in her life for very long I WILL make sure you are always in her mind and heart. She knows how good you were and that you are her godfather. She's very stuborn kinda like her aunt so you may need to do a little more "Watching" over HER. I know you are looking out for Jess you wouldn't be doing anything less and for that I love you. With you watching over her and her knowing that, it is keeping her strong. You will always be in our hearts. Love you so much! Mel